Worth The Wait
by FWvidChick
Summary: Some things are worth waiting for. Relationships are priceless and dear but its in the struggle and the journey that we find out how truly precious they are.  Sexy fun, humour, some fluff and life angst.
1. Love and Need

**Title: **Worth the Wait

**Author: **FWVidChick (Jen)  
><strong>Summary:<strong>  
>Some things are worth waiting for. Relationships are priceless and dear but its in the struggle and the journey that we find out how truly precious they are.<br>(a 2 to 4 parter)

**Pairings: **Chlark with bits of Lollie**  
><strong>**Theme: **Sexy fun, humour, some fluff and life angst.

**A/N:**  
>This is for the Chlark Christmas exchange, a gift for both Summer (Hughie87) and D (Chlarkfan_phantom). Who get this along with a video (coming soon). Its also to all my amazing Chlarker friends who may share a different OTP then me but understand the depths of the shipper heart.<p>

This fic is filled with aspects of personal experience as well as experiences of others I know, and touched with what it would be like for Superman and his lady love.

Also a thanks goes out to Summer for betaing her own gift..lol

A Special **CLOIS warning**. Please do not read if you are a diehard Cloiser.. nor worry that I've abandoned them. Also for Chlarkers..this is a Chlark story so no worries there. I have given them all the love I give to Clois in my other stories.

Banner on my profile :) (I am currently ill so this along with my other stories are all sorta dependent on how much i can write, but I'm working on them)

* * *

><p><strong>Worth the Wait<strong>

**Part 1- Love and Need**

The music turned slow, allowing for bodies to move closer. Hearts erratically beat for a second, echoing years past when love was new and awkward; when there was no assurance it was returned or ever would be. Smiles exchanged and eyes twinkled as they locked; blue-green mesmerized by a deeper green that teased on the edge of hazel.

The room with other moving bodies like orbiting planets began to fade away, leaving only two whose love had grown from friendship to something far deeper than either could have ever imagined. Fate had been determined to keep them apart till it, too, was convinced that sometimes the stars realigned and the cries of two souls deserved to be heard.

"Happy?" She could feel the words vibrate in his chest though his voice low, tone private and just for her.

Without moving her head from against him, Chloe smiled into his shoulder. "I'm in heaven. If this is a dream I don't ever want to wake."

Clark smiled and kissed the top of her hair. "Neither do I."

They continued to sway, lost in the memories that got them to this point. The boy and girl sharing a stolen first and last chaste kiss; the pains of growing up and finding their places and purposes in life; adults taking the next step and making the last kiss the first of many not so chaste moments of passion. The beginning.

Eventually Chloe pulled away, her beautiful blonde ringlets and waves lightly bouncing as she turned a beaming smile up at him. "So Clark Kent, what's in store for us next?"

Tracing slow circles on the exposed skin on her lower back, Clark tilted his head slightly and gave a soft smile. "Whatever we want. " His eyes locked with her own "I see a bright future, Mrs. Kent."

Chloe laid her head back on his chest and with a contented sigh that reached all the way to her soul added, "So do I..and it was well worth the wait."

ღღ

Leaning up on an elbow, Chloe traced a lazy circle on his chest then a heart, relishing in the moment, the quiet of it. This was theirs and would always be. The world would demand his attention, he was Superman after all, but he came back to her, held her, laughed with her. The world did not see this side of him, the one that whispered sweet words into her ear, touched her in ways no one ever had. The sensual man who moaned at her touch, whose smile could melt her insides.

"You should be sleeping," he mumbled groggily, his hand moving from laying lazily on her side to run over her skin slowly, possessively bringing her closer.

"It's hard to sleep with this sexy intergalactic traveler in my bed."

Clark rolled over so they were now able to face each other. It was a habit they had formed when he was home, before facing the challenges of the day, a connection.

"You are going to have many years of hardly any sleep at all if that is the case." His hand traced up her arm.

"Sleep is over-rated. Besides, its worth it.."

"It is." Clark was staring into her eyes, lost.

Letting out a content sigh, Chloe pushed her face down into his neck, "Do we have to get up?"

"Not yet. You can squeeze in a couple more hours of sleep. If you need me to, I can leave."

Jerking him back, Chloe half growled, "You are not going anywhere! And who says it's the sleep I want?"

Chuckling softly, Clark shrugged, "It was just an offer."

"Well consider it not needed, but thanks for the concern."

"What are your plans today?"

"There is the baby shower prep.." Chloe began, a hint of sadness in her voice.

"I thought you were excited." Clark searched her face trying to understand. After a moment it came to him. "Are you .. Chloe, do you want a baby?"

Taking a deep breath, Chloe glanced away before meeting his eyes again, "Would it be so bad if I did? I mean..I know Lois wasn't exactly thrilled when she found out she and Oliver were expecting their little bundle of joy. Now she is nesting and planning and plotting. And before I thought, how could they make it work with her career and him moonlighting in green? Now..I have no doubt they can. And I think we could too."

He smiled that soft, gentle smile of his, the one that reached deep into his eyes and into her soul. "I understand, Chloe.. I think we've been doing that same wave length thing again."

"Oh?"

"After we had lunch with them Tuesday.. I couldn't help wondering if we would ever really be ready. Not if we base it off of careers and Superman. We can't live our lives waiting for the right time, for it be safe or secure."

Chloe nodded, unable at that moment to speak. A small part of her had worried his fear of not being able to protect her and a child would come back up and he wouldn't want a family, at least not yet.

Encouraging him to continue, she laid a hand softly on his chest, feeling her eyes grow wet.

Clark brought a hand up to cup her cheek. "I know my mom and dad wouldn't have traded any of it to have more security, even with the danger and I feel the same. I was afraid, Chloe, and I can't say I won't be again but I want a family with you." It felt so good to say it. Watching Oliver and Lois gush and beam had made that ache he had buried rise to the surface. He no longer wanted to ignore it.

Leaning into his touch, Chloe sighed with relief, feeling a huge weight lift. "Clark, you're going to be an amazing dad some day."

"And your going to be a wonderful mom, Chloe." He responded back. "How about we make that some day soon?"

Laughing a little and wiping her tears Chloe nodded, "I have a few hours to spare. You?"

"I'm sure I can fit you in.."

"You mean I'll fit _you _in.."

"Chloe!" Clark exclaimed at his wife's baudy comeback.

She giggled then squealed as he went for her neck.

ღღ

Falling back on to the bed, Clark breathed heavily, " Have I said how much I enjoy this practicing?"

Landing beside him, skin glowing from a well earned and enjoyable sweat, Chloe grinned. "Yes, you express it every..time." She replied, trying to catch her own breath. "And its not practicing. I think we have that right. Its trying.."

His hand slid down to find hers as they laid there, breaths and heartbeats falling into a synchronized rhythm. After several minutes he turned over to look at her with expressive eyebrows, "Wanna _try _again?"

Chloe began to smile before her eyes suddenly widened. "Wait.. oh no". She scrambled to the head of the bed frantically.

Out of instinct Clark super glanced around the room, his senses coming into focus at the alarm in her voice and her sudden bolting. "What?"

Expecting some thing more closer to an attack, he was taken aback by the sight of Chloe rolling herself into a hand stand. The bed wasn't making it easy to balance, causing her face to redden with the strain and annoyance of it.

"I have to help them." Chloe explained through a strained mouth.

_"Them?" _Clark asked, not catching her drift.

"Your little swimmers. If we're going to do this, we have to do this right."

If it wasn't for the sight of her upside down and desperately trying to stay that way, he knew he'd be blushing but found himself instead biting back a laugh.

"Are you sure that's going to help? Isn't it some sort of ..old wives tale?"

"Probably but I am not taking chances. We've been trying for almost a year Clark. Something has to work!"

"Chlo..please." Clark wondered what happened to his skeptical wife, the one that questioned everything and found facts.

"Clark!" She felt herself starting to fall forward. He caught her leg and pushed it back to the wall gently.

"Thanks..now help me! You want this baby, right?" Clark could hear her need for reassurance in her voice.

When he didn't immediately respond Chloe felt her heart sink to her stomach, which was amazing considering she was standing on her head. Why did she just assume he wanted this as much as she did? It would be so like Clark to give her what she wanted, going out all the way even if his heart wasn't as into it.

To her surprise she found his face now even with hers, and not just that but his body was at the same angle.

"Oh.."

Putting a hand softly on her chest to steady her, Clark then pulled her into his arms, keeping them upside down but taking the weight and pressure off of her. It was one of his abilities, to defy the logic and normal rules. Catch a train and not have it collapse in on itself, or in this case, hold his wife head down and free her from the normal consequences of being at that angle.

"I want this baby, Chlo. I do.. I may not say it a lot but I am so happy we are trying. This, having a family with you, is a dream come true." Feeling and meaning every word, he rubbed his thumb over the softness of her back.

Drifting with him in his arms, Chloe found she was able to forget she was upside down and her heart eased up. He had such a way with words,with calming the storm inside of her.

"I love you." She whispered the words into his neck.

"I love you too." He replied, holding her close, feeling her body meld into his completely.

ஐ

_To be continued..._


	2. Letting go

**A/N: **I'm a little nervous about this section. It has more angst 

Also I'm sick and its self edited so please forgive.

**Part 2: Letting go..**

The floor was going to have a groove in it. She was sure of it but it didn't matter.. not with what lay in the other room. Glancing at the clock, Chloe took another deep breath trying to calm her screaming nerves. She wanted him there, to be a part of this, but then again if he was it would ruin the surprise if there was something to surprise him with, or get him down if there wasn't.

No, it was good he was busy today. Too busy to even call, or check in for a quick kiss. Superman was having one of those days and so was she.

"Breath..don't think about it. A pot never boils if your watching it. " Not that she was watching a pot but the analogy worked.

Tired of pacing, Chloe picked up the phone to call her cousin then put it down on second thought. Lois would have her hands full right about now.

Sam, even as young as he was, was a complete and utter handful. Chloe gave a slight smirk at the thought, it had to be karma for all the trouble Lois had been growing up.

Forcing herself to sit and turn on the tv for a distraction, Chloe thought about the last year. They had tried so hard, their time had to come sooner or later. Didn't it?

Sam was beautiful and Chloe couldn't be happier being an Aunt but the desire to hold her own little one was becoming harder and harder to bear. It was worse to look in Clark's eyes and see the same.

Sometimes they faked smiles and pretended they were okay.

She knew Lois and Oliver knew it was all a cover. It was why Lois didn't go on more then necessary about Sam, why she bought Chloe teas and other things to try and help. Anything that could work was tried.

What was left? Clark had already checked with Jor-El, confirming that it was possible for them to have a child . The doctor said she was in excellent health, fertile..so why?

Time passed quicker then she thought and the kitchen timer went off. Suddenly the quiet of the apartment was overwhelming .

This was it.

The moment of truth.

Would it be the positive or negative? Two pink lines or one blue? Would she be crying again, trying to hide it so Clark wouldn't know that they failed.

Starting to stand, the balcony doors suddenly parted as her husband came in,standing in his uniform, eyes searching for her. Any other moment and she'd have pounced him with kisses, but not this one. No matter how much her legs were told to move she couldn't do it. The desire for him to not know, not yet anyway was weak in comparison to her desire for comfort.

Clark took one look at her face and knew something was wrong.

"Chlo..are you okay? What happened?"

"Nothing..just a long day" it sounded unconvincing even to her ears.

"Chlo.." He barely took two long steps and he was in front of her, his eyes searching her over. "What is it?"

Chloe shrugged, wanting to get to the bathroom and see the results."Nothing, atleast not yet. Look" she locked eyes with him trying to seem completely normal. " let me um clean up and we can talk..maybe over a cup of cocoa."

A stare down commenced between them, she only ever offered cocoa when she was trying to placate him, eventually he pulled away allowing her to leave. "Okay." he said simply and watched Chloe almost flee into the bathroom.

Closing his eyes he let out a sigh and headed for the bedroom to change out of his suit. Trying not to listen in on her, Chloe would tell him in her own time, she always did. But until that time Clark would fight the guilt that it was some how his fault.

The edge of the bed sank down as he sat and pulled a gray t-shirt over his head. He could hear her mumbling and his heart sank further. It had to be him, even with what Jor-El had said, it had to be.

They had tried blue kryptonite all during the last month. Him wearing it, her wearing it, some under the bed. Chloe had been eliminated as the problem months ago. All that was left was the simple fact they weren't the same. He wasn't human, and the thought weighed on him like a ton of green k, getting heavier every time he looked into her eyes and saw the longing.

She stared at the waste basket one last time, willing the results to change. They didn't and reality sunk further in.

How did she go out there and tell him what was wrong without adding to his own pain on what they didn't seem destined to have?

Steeling herself against the pain, Chloe opened the door and walked into their bedroom. A place of laughter and love between them felt like a tomb of disappointment.

He sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on knees, face in his hands. A lump formed in her throat as she realized that despite needing to protect him she wouldn't be able to hide this.

Clark looked up, their eyes met and time stopped. Across the distance of that small apartment bedroom, unspoken into the air yet heavily echoed between hearts was the truth. Hope may be diminished, disappointment may abound but the love between them hadn't faltered.

Chloe moved to stand before him, not breaking eye contact, letting him take her hands and pull her close. With his face resting against her chest, Chloe ran her hands through his hair.

"I'm sorry! I thought.. I was and I wanted to surprise you" her voice cracked with the emotion she was desperately trying to fight.

Eyes closed against the softness of her, her scent filling him up Clark sighed, "Chlo.. you don't have to pretend."

Chloe wiped at a tear and moved to sit next to him.

"If I don't, I know what you'll think Clark!" She reached up to touch his face, in that moment forgetting all of her pain and disappointment. She couldn't bear the thought of him blaming himself, and he would, it was ingrained in his nature.

"This isn't your fault.. I know you think it is but it's not."

Clark gently took her hand from his face, holding it. "And it isn't yours either. But if I.. Chloe we've tried everything. " his eyes fell from her to the little blue kryptonite bracelet that sat on her night stand.

Following his gaze Chloe nodded, "Yes we have and I don't know what to say. Maybe we aren't meant to have a baby." the last word came out a sob. Why couldn't they have this?

Shifting, Clark scooted back to sit against the head board. Tugging gently at Chloe for her to follow. She did so without question, needing to be close. Once beside him Clark held her to him, trying hard to hold back the flood of emotion inside of him, made worse but the quiet sobbing of his wife.

After a few minutes he found his voice, though it betrayed him, "Maybe we should stop trying. Let it happen if its meant to be."

Chloe didn't trust herself not to cry or even scream at that thought, so she only nodded. All the months of yearning, trying and failing came to one truth. They couldn't force it if it wasn't meant to happen.

It was a dream worth having, worth waiting for but only if she let it go. Knowing this hurt worse then any of the pain she suffered years before in waiting for the man that held her. Especially as there was no guarantee that the waiting would give them what they so desperately wanted.

Hadn't they waited long enough?

ღღ

"Merry Christmas Chlo.."

Clark beamed out with a lopsided grin watching Chloe tentatively untie the bow around the present before her. He knew she was trying to figure out exactly what it was. Perfectly square, a lift up lid and big enough not to be clothes or some other trinket, but not to large.

He chuckled at the concentration on her face. If she lifted the lid without guessing properly she'd be annoyed at herself for not picking up context clues, with her belief he couldn't keep a secret without leaving them.

The flipside was she had to find out in order to know if she was right. The gift giving rock and a hard place.

"Shut up.." she responded without malice but annoyance at his glee for her situation.

"I wished you Merry Christmas, its hardly a crime."

"It is when you do this.. It's not fair to wrap it like this. How am I to be sure? "

"Lift the lid and find out. Besides when you see what it is..you'll understand why it had to be in that box."

Chloe frowned, wishing she had x-ray vision and could peek. But then again he wasn't allowed to you use the ability and he had it. Score 1 for Kent because the man guessed his gifts and she was pretty sure he hadn't cheated. How was she to even the score?

The box suddenly moved and Chloe's eyebrows shot up in to her hairline. She looked up at Clark, "If this is that robot buddy toy ..I'm going to hurt you!"

"Hey! Have a little more faith in me will ya!"

"After last years gifts I am not sure I can muster absolute faith in the Clark Kent gifting ability. Suffice to say it isn't one of your super powers." Chloe remarked back with a friendly smile though she was completely serious.

Sighing, knowing he couldn't argue that, Clark nodded, "Open it and find out." If she didn't open the box soon the contents were going to surprise her all on their own. Which a part of him thought would be really enjoyable to see but another part of him wanted her to lift the lid and see her eyes light up.

With a unsure look at the box that now kept moving, its movements becoming more intense with each passing moment, Chloe narrowed her eyes. "If it's not the robot then what is it?" She couldn't fathom anything that would move that Clark would get her.

As if to answer her question a tiny noise erupted from the box that sounded an awful lot like an impatient yelp. Chloe's eyes widened, "NO WAY!"

Clark watched her lift the box lid at near super speeds, his own smile matching the wide one spread across Chloe's face. "A puppy!"

"You bought the Puppy.. I didn't think you wanted a puppy!" Her hands lifting the tiny bundle of furry playfulness out of the box. The little Schnauzer's ears went back at the squeal Chloe gave as she bought the puppy close, it gave a small yelping bark filled with both startlement and happiness.

"I was unsure if it was wise, not the same thing Chloe.. you like the gift?" He watched her hold the puppy close, gently letting the puppy know she was safe.

"Yes!..Okay I think we can official declare the Clark Kent bad gift curse lifted. " She winked, "However, only you could pull off the cliche'd Lady and the Tramp puppy in a box routine. But I love it!"

Clark felt a wonderful moment of respite. The last four months had been hard as they learned to let go of the baby desire and just live life. Hoping that it would happen. In some ways it had brought definite relief, no scrambling around, trying crazy things or stressing. In other ways it hadn't relieved any longing.

He had wondered if their talk about having a pet would actually be a good thing. Or if it was some how replacement for the baby that would make it ultimately worse. The truth was nothing could ever replace the desire, need, for a child they both shared, but with Shelby having gotten old and more comfortable at the farm it would be nice to have a pouncing little puppy to enjoy.

Amused by the pair of them, Clark got up for a moment, quickly pulling out the things he had picked up for the puppy. Placing the bed near by. Having no need for encouragement Chloe picked up the her precious little package that had already grown tired from play and its new environment.

"Clark.." She began, while stroking the pups back till she fell asleep. " I love her. Thank You."

"No need to thank me Chloe. It will be nice to have her around and anything that makes you happy makes me happy. "

Their eyes met again, Chloe suddenly looked away then back at him, clearing her throat. "About that.. I had sudden inspiration for an extra gift for you. " She scooted from her spot before the tree, where they had been sitting like two children. Searching under the sofa she pulled out a small rectangular box.

"Chloe, you've already spoiled me." Clark took it looking at her inquisitively. The way she was flushed, her whole manner that day had been different but he had been unable to place why. It wasn't unpleasant or particularly worrisome. Just different and now with the gift he felt a sudden feeling of excitement and apprehension wash over him.

"I needed to get you this. I mean you're going to need one of those now. " She nodded her head at the box in his hands. Waiting for him to open it. Barely able to take another moment, especially as she had been waiting all morning to give him the gift. "Clark..open it!"

"Alright! Misses.." Brows knitted together with a smile peaking at his lips Clark gently tore the wrapping off and lifted the lid.

The sight before him made him swallow. A part of him not able to believe what he was seeing inside.

"Chloe.. are you.. is it true?" Feeling quite suddenly very woozy. If he hadn't already been sitting he would have been forced too.

Grinning from ear to ear all she barely managed say was, "I guess there will be four of us."

Gently picking it up, Clark held up the key chain with a little circle picture frame. It was a gift that many men would have, something so common place that it would hold little significance to anyone casually seeing it. But the words were ones he wasn't sure he'd ever see in relation to himself.

**'Worlds Greatest Dad'**etched into the metal. Strong and bold but what made his heart soar was what was in the frame. A slip of hospital paper with the words stating 'positive'.

"We're going to have a baby!" The joy inside felt like it was going to burst out of him like a sun going nova. Everything else forgotten, Clark was on his feet with Chloe in his arms before she had a chance to blink.

"Yes!" She laughed breathlessly as his lips found hers for a happy tender kiss.

There was nothing in the entire world, no threat or worry, that could take away the joy and excitement that filled the little apartment in downtown Metropolis that Christmas morning.

ღღ

"ahh..eh.."

Patience wasn't in his nature. Chloe gave the little boy in her arms a conspiratorial wink as they watched his mother. "I know Sam, I do. Your mommy, I think, likes making us wait."

"Excuse me!" Lois' head popped up from rummaging through the bottom of the stroller. "Watch it missy! I'll remember this when you have the unhappy hungry child demanding when your trying to get some shopping done."

"Lois, you do realize that Oliver is rich and capable of hiring someone to shop for you. " Chloe shifted the antsy tot to her other arm as he squirmed in protest.

"Ah ha!" Lois found the bottle that had managed to slip its way down to the bottom of the diaper bag which had also been buried under their shopping bags.

Handing the prize to Sam. Lois lifted him up and held him close, tickling his tummy a little while he smiled, the action causing some of the milk to leak out of the side of his mouth around the bottle nipple.

"See Sam..Aunt Chloe forgets that mommy likes to go out and shop. Plus mommy thinks its never to early to teach her boy the rules of good taste and that not everything has to come in the colour green."

Chloe laughed, "So how much of his wardrobe consists of it now?"

Lois shook her head while settling Sam back into the stroller, bundling him up against the slightly cold air, helping balance his bottle. "Sam here.." the baby soaked up every conversation his mother had, in delightful belief that it was all about him. "has about every shade of green imaginable and in everything from jumpers to sweaters, suspenders and even a little suit." She leaned down closer making on last check to make sure he was warm, "Mommy has been forced to threaten daddy with extreme physical violence if he brings home one more green... thing."

Watching them interact Chloe felt a wave of happy warmth fall over her, soon that would be her and the precious baby growing inside. Though the changes to her body were undetectable to the human eye and many even to herself Chloe felt different. She felt alive in a way she never had.

She resisted the urge to place a hand on her lower stomach. There was nothing to feel yet, not unless she counted the rumblings of hunger. Lois must have caught the internal battle for she broke out into a huge a grin. "Lets go eat!"

Chloe nodded and took back the reigns of the stroller. Pushing it along while Lois continued to jabber. Managing to get out of her cousin all the details of her own early pregnancy. "So, the puppy is good, now tell me any morning sickness yet?"

"A little.. though it doesn't exactly happen only in the morning."

Lois laughed, "No it doesn't. Why it's insisted on being called morning sickness I'll never understand. More like any time of the day, most of the time and most definitely when inconvenient, sickness. "

"Some how I don't see that title catching on.. Mainly I am just hungry. Like I could eat a cow. Emil says its probably to do with Clark's side."

"Maybe you'll get lucky and this pregnancy will be a breeze." Lois gave her a quick squeeze before once again smiling down at Sam in adoration.

Chloe chuckled at the mutual admiration society going on between mother and son. "That or I could end up paying for it in an additional month or so of pregnancy and gawd awful labour"

Raising a brow Lois looked at her, " Seriously..is that possible, an extra month?"

"Yep.. "

"Wow.. I don't envy you there. I thought this one was going to stay forever as it was. A week over his due date was bad enough."

"I remember Lo.. you made it clear to everyone. I am sure the entire state knew of your unhappiness."

Rolling her eyes, Lois tugged her a little to guide them in the direction of a little bistro. Crossing the street neither woman noticed the two men continuing to trail them. Waiting for an opportunity that was unfortunately coming their way.

Animatedly talking and heading for a place that was often a favorite, neither thought about the little alley that they'd pass by or gave a thought to the fact the street wasn't as busy at this time.

Chloe tripped up a little and stopped to look down at her shoe. The heel had found a hole in the old pavement. "Figures. I swear I can't get a new pair of shoes without something happening."

Bending Lois frowned at it. "Well we'll shop for another pair when we finish lunch. My mommy to be treat.. " Her eyes caught the two men coming closer and prepared to move her cousin and the baby out of their way. The alley was as clean as they come and deserted so it made a logical point to figure out Chloe's show dilemma. "You're going to need better foot wear anyway."

Hobbling, Chloe pushed the stroller to the side and leaned against the wall, before taking a good look at her shoe. Lois picked up Sam who had began to fuss.

Deep in discussion and focused on baby and the heel, it was a surprise when Lois found her self yanked back and slammed into the other alley wall.

"SAM!"

Many miles away. Involved in preventing a terrible accident. Clark heard it.. the sound of her alarm, the pace of her frantic heartbeat.

"Oh gawd..Sam.. Lois.. "

His wife's cries were loud in his ears as the rest of the world tuned out. Clark tried to get away as fast as he could. It felt like forever as he flew following her heart and her voice, finding some comfort in hearing them, knowing she was alive.

Pushing himself for her and for Lois and Sam. he was no more then a second away but his blood ran cold when he could no longer hear her crying.

Why was she so quiet?

ஐ

_To be continued.._

Please don't shoot me for the cliffie.. Feedback is cookies..please feed me!


	3. Holding On and Falling Away

**A/N:**  
>I had a much longer update but am still waiting for a few parts to come back from being edited. So I decided to split it and post what i had as it was long enough, longer then I thought Sorry for how long its taken for me to update this. I had my laptop break (still broke ) and then got a flu like bug at the same time and this past week was really sick from my raspberrystrawberry allergy.

Angst warning. Please don't hurt me Sky!

**Part 3: Holding On and Falling Away**

"_She's stable, but not out of the woods yet. . ."_

Clark's eyes traveled the length of the tubes that went to Chloe's mouth and nose to trace the contours of her face, imagined her smiling and the green of her eyes. His hearing and every fiber of his being tuned out the pulsing, ticking and whooshing of machinery to listen to the steady beat of his wife's heart. The rhythm was a comfort for the truth it told. She was alive but there was painful ache, a longing, for what was missing. Her voice and the words that would soothe the turmoil within him.

He snorted, feeling the familiar rage rise like a volcano threatening to erupt every time he allowed himself to think about their loss. A loss Chloe had no idea of yet. He needed her but how dare he when she would need him? Clark hated himself for the weakness of it. She was going to need everything he could give her because when she woke she would ask and he'd have to tell her.

"_I'm sorry Mr. Kent. With trauma like this. . . The fetus. . ." _

The smattering of words and phrases reverberated in his head like a relentless drum, its message loud and clear, a merciless reminder of once again what they weren't allowed to have. Maybe it was some sort of balance or karma from what he had taken from his parents. He knew what his father would say if he was around, what his mother would say, that it wasn't true. It felt like it, though. Worst of it was if there was even an ounce of truth to his fear, then he was the reason Chloe would suffer.

The strangled cry that escaped him sounded foreign to his ears, like it was happening all to someone else, that even the thoughts plaguing him were not his. The creaking of metal beneath his hands as he gripped the bed rail didn't register, his breathing barely controlled as he tried to skirt the other thought that soon could not be avoided.

This, what had put Lois in critical condition, his nephew and wife fairing not much better, was a message. There was no way it was random, coincidence, or just some accident. Someone or someone's had attacked them. Bold enough to be in broad day light, in a decent, supposedly safer part of the city.

At this time there were no real answers. There would be eventually, even if he had to tear the world apart to get them. He would do it for Chloe and the baby they didn't get to keep, for Lois who was fighting for her life, for the baby boy who shouldn't be in the hospital. For Oliver who was in another room just like the one that held Chloe struggling to find air as his world threatened to fall apart.

The bar snapped.

Clark looked down at the bed rail and all the rage evaporated and all that was left was just pain. They were all broken like the metal, snapped in half by a moment in time. Swallowing, he took it in his hands, forming shaping and adding heat till it resembled a former version of its self.

If only he could fix all of this the same way.

He felt the touch of her fingers , gently brushing over the top of his hand before resting on it. Relief spread over him from such a simple action and his eyes met hers.

"Chloe!"

Her eyes were glazed over, foggy from all the trauma and medication in her system, but bright with life. She blinked slowly and tried to make a sound but there was no way for her too. Clark put a hand gently on her shoulder before letting his fingers brush her cheek softly.

"Shh, baby, please. You're safe Chloe and I'm here. I am always here." Clark told her, trying to keep his voice strong for her.

Her eyes roamed over his face, her hand barely moved but it was enough for him to know she was trying to comfort him. Even drugged up and barely awake she knew what he was feeling.

Clark took her hand in his before bending down to place a soft kiss on her forehead. "It's all going to be fine. You just need to sleep. I promise." It was a lie. A lie he hated to say but she didn't need the truth right now, that would come later. "I love you."

He couldn't tell if she knew if he was lying or if she simply didn't care. She accepted his words, her eyes seemed to smile at him with love and trust and closed before she drifted off.

The fall and rise of her chest was steady and unrestrained, her whole body relaxing as she slept, her hand still within his. It was if she had been waiting for permission or for him to tell the lie so she could really sleep. Not the unconsciousness of trauma but the sleep that was needed to heal.

It never ceased to amaze him how much trust she gave him. Clark let out a shuddering breath of his own, slipping his hand out slowly from hers. He let the feel of her skin against his linger before gently placing it down at her side. Saying the words once more, the only part of it that hadn't been a lie. "I love you!"

He'd tell the doctors she woke and then. . . Then he would turn every stone over till he some how could make this right.

ღღღ

She had heard his voice, talking softly to her. Remembered briefly seeing his face above hers, telling her he loved her and that all would be all right. Felt the feel of his fingers against her cheek, his lips against her forehead.

Her body felt heavy, distant like she wasn't really attached to it. That if she wanted she could drift away and watch herself from above, yet she could feel the tube in her mouth and throat. Irritations across her skin, even the weight of the blanket covering her.

She couldn't tell how much time passed from when he had been there to when she felt consciousness return again. But the drugs in her system and the slight touches of pain made it hard to stay conscious long. Dreams flittered across her mind's eye, blending together or at times feeling like they mingled with sounds from reality.

"I love you, Chloe. Please don't leave me…" his voice sounded so lost and reminded her of another time when he had admitted he wouldn't be all right without her.

_Chloe turned from pushing 'Close' on the panel to look at floor with Clark._

_"Well, if I were an earring... " He began._

_Unable to see the point in continuing to stare at the floor she offered up, "Let's re-enact the event, okay? "Taking a step back to the wall of the elevator as she glanced then at Clark," So Lex had Eve up against this wall right here, so..."_

_It wasn't hard to miss the completely awkward expression on his face. A part of her wondered if he'd be that way with just any girl._

_Realistically she knew on some level he would but that small part of her found both amusement and maybe just a twinge of disappointment. It seemed she was only ever looked at by him like a girl, like someone to be awkward with when it had to do with situations where sex was a factor. Like now._

_"Okay, come on, big boy, it's for the cause of truth and justice."_

_"Now push me up against the wall." She ordered, giving him no chance to back out of the reenactment or her own nerves to yell at her for the self-torment that was indulging in close contact with Clark Kent. Chloe grabbed the front of his jacket and pulled him roughly in front of her so she was trapped between his body and the wall._

_"I don't think..."_

_Purposely ignoring his continued awkward expression or how her body tingled from having them flush against each other, Chloe positioned his hands at her throat based on her memory of the footage. "And her hand was like this... and I think his hand was like this." Blinking and hoping to god he couldn't tell the effect he was having on her, afraid to look him in the eye._

_"And they were... "_

_"Maybe he knocked the earring off accidentally." She could feel his breath on her face as he spoke. Courage to look at him flooded in as she forced herself to stick to the case. The expression on his face relieved her nerves, he had no clue._

_It was better that way. Wasn't it?_

_With a thoughtful scowl Chloe moved on, spinning Clark around so he was the one now trapped. "Yeah. Yeah, and then she pushed him... up against this wall over here like this. "_

_She really hadn't thought it through. His eyes were on her lips, his fingers brushed her shoulders. She was keenly aware of it all. Was he?_

_"Hi." Why did she say that? And in that tone?_

_There it was the shift. The moment where awkward went to something else. Their eyes locked, Chloe could feel her heart race. Her body continued to react to him despite all the alarm bells telling her otherwise._

_This was Clark. Clark who probably was still trapped in the Lana whirlpool. Clark who was only looking at her like that because of the situation. It didn't mean anything. It couldn't._

_But she couldn't pull away despite the desperate attempt to tell her arms to drop and her feet to move back. Rather she pushed her body in closer, her face tilting upwards while a smiled played on the edge of her lips._

_"Hi." Clark repeated back, his voice deepening and surprising her. The something else in his eyes began to take form and Chloe swallowed against the idea of what it was. If she was wrong she wasn't sure she could take it._

_"I…think we can assume the..." His eyes tracked again to her lips as she tried to find a coherent thought. Neither of them had moved from away from each other or the wall. "It's safe to say… the earring isn't lost…" Why was he staring at her like that?_

_"Here..."_

_Clark nodded dumbly and continued to surprise her. His hand on her shoulder pressed more firmly against her, she became aware of the other on her back. His face seemed closer and yet infuriatingly too far away._

_Stop it Chloe! He'll look away in a moment, stutter and the awkward will resume, all will return to normal._

_Normal didn't come._

_"Chloe, I… I want- " His eyes once again moved from hers to her lips._

_"Don't Clark." She whispered back, afraid this was a dream._

_Clark blinked and locked eyes with hers; the 'something else' was no longer a mystery thought that felt unreal. "I don't want to." He shook his head. "No, I mean I do but I don't want to lose you if I do." The expression on his face giving away that he wasn't entirely sure he made sense yet also showed his anxiety at the idea of her rejection._

_Finally forcing herself to step back Chloe shook her head, "Clark, we really just need to-"_

_Suddenly he stepped forward and captured her lips. She could feel his hand shaking that pulled her closer. He was scared. So was she._

_Frozen for a moment Chloe made no reaction to the contact though it lit her insides on fire. As if believing he had made the wrong move he let her go, causing her to gasp when he pulled away._

_"I'm so sorry Chloe. I … just… " Clark turned and ran a hand through his hair._

_Chloe stood there staring at him trying to decide if she sniffed some chemical and was hallucinating this moment. Reality was probably her either lying in a hospital bed or slurring words at Clark as she drooled on him in her delirium. It couldn't be real. If it was how did she not see it coming?_

_Clearing his throat, Clark hit the elevator button and the door began to open._

_The look on his face was one she'd only ever seen when he had watched Lana and felt disappointed or rejected._

_A heat rushed up through her and the idea that he was about to walk out that door and pretend what he had just done hadn't happened tore at her. This was her chance, maybe it was delirium but why not ride it out till the end, die in happiness?_

_Springing forward just as the doors began to open revealing a mother and her two children Chloe hit the close button once again._

_"Okay, why did you do that?"_

_Clark looked sharply at her, his eyes wide. "Do what?"_

_"You know what."_

_"What does it matter?"_

_Chloe threw her arms out, "You did not just say that? No of course you did!"_

_Clark turned to face her, "What do you want from me Chloe? I thought… It doesn't matter what I thought. I was obviously wrong and now you're going to wring my neck for it. Just forget it."_

_Stepping in front of the buttons as he went to reach for them Chloe scowled, unsure how to feel in that moment. "You kissed me Clark. I say that is news-worthy considering -"_

_"Considering what?" Clark cut her off, "Lana? Chloe, despite what everyone thinks I don't actually think about her all the time. And lately, I realized that I'm okay without her. But you… I wouldn't be okay __**without you**."_

_Chloe's eyes widened, she opened her mouth to say something but when words didn't come, she snapped it shut._

_Clark continued, his eyes holding her own showing a strength Chloe loved seeing especially directed at her. "You __**aren't **just my best friend. I've been pretending or trying to that that is all I feel. And I don't know what this all means Chloe, but I do know I'd like to find out. "_

_The strength was replaced once more by the look of a young man nervous and waiting for the final rejection._

_Even if she hadn't already been battling feelings for him there was no way she could resist the puppy eyes of a Kent._

_"Do you think you," He continued with a deep nervous breath, "We could...try?"_

_At her lack of reaction Clark gave a resigned sigh and moved once more to open_

_the elevator doors. He was taken by surprise as Chloe grabbed him by the front of his jacket and kissed him hard._

It didn't take more than a few seconds for the kiss to soften and for Chloe to find herself wrapped in strong arms, something that to her delight would happen often.

It all had started then. From that kiss, their own journey, one filled with more happiness than sadness but it hadn't been smooth.

She tried to talk despite the tube in her throat, to mumble out the words playing in her head. Lois never did like to admit how much she valued Clark's friendship.

A faint smile traced Chloe's lips as the memory rolled in, leave it to Lois to stop her from fighting herself and finally end the battle with Clark.

_"I can't believe I am taking his advice."_

_Chloe looked up from where she was sitting on Lois's bed flipping through a magazine. "I'm not. It's good advice."_

_Lois looked up from going through her jewelry to give Chloe a funny look via the mirror. "This is Smallville we're talking about; the man is totally clueless on relationships."_

_Chloe snorted, "Only the ones he's involved in, which makes it safe for you to take his advice."_

_"Maybe. Still… it's his advice. "_

_"He is your best friend Lois."_

_"He is __**a **__best friend, Chloe… and a plaid wearing one at that."_

_Chloe chuckled and shook her head, "Technically by your rules he is your best friend. You are neither related to him nor romantically involved with him. And you spend time with him as well without having to have either me or Oliver around." She looked up with a grin loving to tease her cousin about her reluctant friendship with Clark, "And you listen to his advice."_

_Lois rolled her eyes as she held up a two pairs of earrings. "These? Or these?"_

_"Depends on the dress."_

_"Fine. And as my best friend he is gonna get an earful from me if you don't give it to him."_

_"Lois, having dinner with her is hardly something I can give him an earful about now is it?"_

_Turning Lois put a hand on her hip, "You are being far too charitable to him considering the circumstances, Chloe. Why are you not raging? Ranting?"_

_Tossing the magazine aside Chloe sighed, "I want to be but really I did this to myself. I pushed him away when he finally got the courage and now she's back. "_

_Lois stalked to her closet, her sleek slip accenting her every movement and Chloe raised a brow. Lois getting this dressed up wasn't common. Even when dating a millionaire._

_"Please! Don't do that!"_

_"Do what?"_

_"Excuse him and blame yourself!" Lois tossed two dresses on to the bed before turning to give Chloe an intense stare._

_Chloe put her legs over the side of the bed and returned Lois's stare. "First, I'm not excusing him. Right now if I saw him I'd probably shove a shard of kryptonite down his throat which is pretty much why I've been avoiding him. Second, I do share some of the blame and you know it. I wish I didn't but I do. And if I hadn't of been the coward it would be me with him right now and not her."_

_Eyes narrowed and Lois crossed her arms, "Why did you?"_

_"Why did I what?"_

_"Push him away. You never did explain that to me. I never understood it when you two broke up and then danced around each other for ages. And when he finally gets the gumption to actually do more than the UST tango you turn him down."_

_Chloe looked down, unsure of how to answer that , it was complicated. Or rather her feelings were._

_"I see so you are going to allow him to be sucked back in again? You and I both know that this dinner could turn out to be another ride on the Lana and Clark roller coaster. One which I do not want to be on. Even if it wasn't hurting you, which I despise the fact it does, it hurts him too. The man is completely brain dead when it comes to her."_

_"I'm not telling him to go on this dinner, if anything I was hoping my silence would send a message. " Chloe said defensively. Standing and throwing her arms out, now feeling in the mood to rant. "I know I didn't make it easy but does he really have to just drop it all because she comes back? She bats those damsel eyelashes and looks like she fell right out of the friggin' sky."_

_The tiny tirade unwittingly gave her cousin the clue as to what was going on inside her heart and head, "Wait a minute!" Lois abandoned the dress she was looking at to take Chloe by the shoulders, "You actually think you can't compare to her, don't you?"_

_Chloe looked away, "No…"_

_"Yes, you do! Look at me!" Lois gave her a gentle shake and when Chloe, a moment later, met her eyes Lois continued, " You are far better than her, Chloe. He doesn't love her. He tries, but he doesn't. Not the way he loves you. The two of you have this thing, not only do you know each other so well but you finish each other's sentences, have the same interests. "_

_"You **also **finish his sentences."_

_"He and I are friends. Lana can hardly claim that let alone having anything in common with him. She's a dream he goes back to when he thinks he has no shot with who he really wants and that is you. It's not her he orbits or causes the world to fade away around him. It's you, which is why you can't let him go back to what is safe and convenient. So you screwed up. Don't let him make it worse!"_

_Chloe nodded dumbly, "I know. I know! It's just I remember before, you know? How he'd drop things for her."_

_"But he hasn't always cuz. There have been plenty of times he's dropped them for you. Including ignoring her, I remember, when you two practically ignored __**me** because of **each other**. Sound familiar?" Lois gave her a pointed look before letting go of her shoulders._

_"Okay. Yeah, we were intense, weren't we?"_

_Lois nodded and picked up a dress in each hand, one a deep green that brought out the color in her hazel eyes and the other black, both very sexy. "Another reason why I never understood how you broke up. Which dress?"_

_"The green." Chloe said with a light grin. Sighing, she sat back down on the bed, "It wasn't supposed to be a break up. That whole fiasco happened with Dark Thursday and Jimmy came back and Clark misunderstood something I said. Then there was the awkward moment which I have to admit I did look guilty. And even though Clark seemed to have understood and accepted we just… I don't know. It just got all out of whack. Taking a break turned into breaking up. It didn't help either that Lana had to be in trouble."_

_Lois snorted, "He has damsel in distress issues. I think it's a 'hero' thing to be honest. This is why I, for one, am ruffling some feathers tonight."_

_"So this dressing up is to..?"_

_"Fishnet screech may be part of the hero group but there is no way I am letting her put her talons into my man! Especially with her recent woes."_

_"You do love the whole bird insults, don't you?"_

_Lois gave a wicked grin and turned her back for Chloe to zip her up, "Yes, I do. She had the nerve to give Ollie doe eyes the other day. And what does he do? Fall for it. What do I get? Practically ignored for a whole week and __**I'm **__his girlfriend."_

_"Men." The two women said in union._

_Continuing, Lois walked back over to her jewelry. "I put up with tramps making eyes at him cause he is the dreamy former playboy millionaire but no way is some bird-lady is going to come along and steal him."_

_"You honestly think Ollie would leave you for Dinah?"_

_Lois scowled in the mirror at Chloe, "No, but she is sure trying to get him and he isn't seeing it. Tonight, I am making my mark, one he won't forget. I've got a plan, slightly influenced by Clark's advice to bring clarity on the intentions of little Miss Ca-Caw. "_

_"Lois, I don't think Dinah does it intentionally."_

_Spinning around Lois pointed a finger at her, "Probably not but she is regardless, same with the pink sourball who is going to eat dinner with the plaid king in an hour and you are sitting here letting her get away with it!"_

_"I'm not going to play the scorned woman again, Lois. It didn't work out all that well last time." Chloe flopped back on the bed._

_Lois shook her head, "It didn't? Clark seemed to have eyes glued on you when you did."_

_"Yes. And we argued all the time."_

_"So, hello? Arguing means making up which means…"_

_"I know what it means, Lois," Chloe turned her head to look at Lois, "You can say we've had our fair share of makeup inspired sex. But as much as the sex was great I really don't want to be like that."_

_"Then don't be jealous. Be sly, tempting and stop pushing him away!"_

_Groaning Chloe covered her head with a pillow. "I will." The rest of her words came out muffled._

_"Sorry, didn't get that."_

_Chloe pulled the pillow away, "I said I will, I just need to regroup." She sat up holding the pillow to her chest, "Why Lois? Why did I tell him I wasn't interested in more than friends?"_

_Having been about to hold up earing choices, Lois mouth dropped open. "You said that? I thought pushing him away was… " She frowned "Okay, there is no way you are letting it settle there. Oh my gosh, Chloe! I can't believe you did that!"_

_"I know! I don't know why I said it. I just I don't know. Why is it Clark Kent can turn me into mindless mush? "_

"Because you _**love **__him." Lois shook her head. "And you have the power to knock the man of steel off his feet. So do it! "_

_"How?" Chloe knew she had to fix her mistake but the feeling of dread at seeing Lana and Clark together was a bit much. She could face down the scum of Metropolis when out on a story but dealing with the man she was head over heels in love with and his not always ex was enough to make her feel weak and sick._

_A phone was suddenly thrust in her face; Lois gave her an encouraging nod to take it. "Call him. Tell him you want to talk to him tonight when he gets back. Say that you've been thinking about what he asked earlier."_

_Chloe took the phone slowly, "Then what? 'Sorry Clark but I didn't mean it. I do want you, take me now' and throw myself at him?"_

_Lois just grinned._

_"I'm not the desperate sort, Lois!"_

_"Don't think of it as being desperate. That's just your fear talking and you know it. Think of it as being proactive."_

_Chloe sighed, Lois was right. They had been playing this game for too long. Ever since an unexpected kiss led to her finally getting her wish of having Clark Kent. She always figured that once she had him it would be easier, that it wouldn't be hard but the hero stuff and other things got in the way and complicated it. Deep down she knew that neither of them was happy apart or with other people, that even with the complications they were so much better together. So why did she resist?_

_Unable to answer that question and fed up, Chloe's eyes met her cousins and she made a decision. "You're right. It is. And I'll do one better then meeting him after. " She glanced down at her watch, "If I leave now I can catch him before."_

_The last thing Chloe saw as she sprinted out the door was Lois's proud smile._

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"I can't do this if I lose her!" The words were said with so much pain it hung in the air. It wasn't simply just an emotion but a sensation that washed over him like a crashing wave against rocks. It was all too familiar at the moment.

Clark didn't know what to say back to Oliver. What could he say? Lois was the mans world just as Chloe was his. What did you say to someone when they might be losing everything that gave them purpose?

Chloe was stable, he left her briefly and then had come back to find himself once again staring and causing damage to hospital property, so he left to check on Oliver who he found pacing and barely hanging on. Lois was back in for more surgery and each passing moment the fear was worse rather than relieved.

"Why?" Oliver looked up from watching his baby sleep, bandaged, bruised and looking so fragile. "Why them?"

"I don't know, but I'll found out," Clark replied darkly, struggling to take his eyes off Sam. He felt the weight of his own loss and what Oliver had almost lost; what they had all almost lost. He loved Sam himself, had pride in being an uncle. For Oliver it meant more. Since Sam had been born, even before that when Lois and Oliver had found out they were having a baby, Oliver had seemed to find additional inspiration. Lois had given him hope and a peace but Sam gave something only children could give.

Clark could remember seeing the same expression on his father's face once, the one that Oliver often gave his son. Love, strength, and pride: the sort of pride that pushed one to better themselves. Clark wanted to experience it for himself, had thought he was going to. Now...

"Clark!" Oliver's voice cut through the momentary rage that had threatened to spill back up. Clark glanced at him and down at his hands, realizing he had damaged the wall where he had rested his hand by curling his fist into a ball of anger. How did he not feel that? It had been years since he had lost that kind of control.

Despite barely controlled agony on Oliver's face he gave Clark a soft look. "Chloe is stable, right?" the man sighed, it was a sound of someone lost trying to be there for another. Clark appreciated the effort but didn't want to bring Oliver further down.

"She is fine." _Liar_. She won't be, he thought but continued, skirting over his own pain for the sake of his friend. In some ways it made it easier to handle. "She woke up for a moment. Doctor thinks it's a good sign."

Oliver continued to stare at him and then nodded but didn't seem convinced it was all okay. "I hate feeling helpless Clark. I love Sam but if... I don't think I could do anything without her."

"Oliver, Lois is a fighter; I don't think she'd give up." Such a clichéd thing to say and yet it was true. He didn't think Lois would. "Look I promise we'll get answers, it won't fix this but..." But what?

"I don't think I can." Oliver cleared his throat, his gaze having returned to his son. "I can't be out there and looking Clark. If I do, I don't think I can leave whoever did this in one piece." He looked back at Clark, his eyes showing that he needed Clark to carry that. He knew it was asking a lot even for Superman, whose own wife lay broken a few rooms down the hall.

There was no need for his friend and colleague to ask, but the fact he did only confirmed for Clark that he needed to get answers. The difficulty was could he hold back and not cross the line? His wife and others he loved had been viciously attacked, perhaps with intent to send a message, and he wasn't sure he could remain Superman when he found them.

Grasping his friend by the shoulder Clark told him the only thing he could. "You focus on your family. I'll take care of it. " He wanted to say more but there simply weren't words to give.

Oliver nodded numbly and then with pained filled eyes asked, "Is she okay. How is it going? I need to know I wouldn't ask otherwise but I..."  
>"It's okay." Clark reassured, held up a hand and tuned into Lois' surgery. After a moment he was able to make out that she seemed to be doing well and would be out shortly. He repeated it back.<p>

For the first time in hours Oliver resembled a bit of his former self as relief washed over him. With suddenly shaky legs he started to stumble. Clark helped him sit down, feeling bad when his super hearing picked up on more. "I have to go. Sorry!"

Oliver shook his head. "Don't be. Go. I'll check on Chloe in a minute for you. I just need to catch my breath."

"Thanks." And he was off, able for a short time to pretend he wasn't hurting.

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Superspeed couldn't fix everything and there were times where it didn't seem all that fast either. He had spent a good deal of the day out as Superman despite wanting to be at his wife's side and getting back to her felt slow. It had been three days since she initially woke. Since then she had been moved from ICU but remained fairly the same, drifting in and out and when awake, out of it enough that she didn't seem particularly aware of much.

It left one thing hanging over him.

How did he tell her about the baby? She looked pale and fragile, and with how she herself hadn't brought it up in her brief moments of consciousness concerned him. No mention of their baby. Did she suspect and was afraid to know? If so, it made it all the harder to get himself to bring it up.

Clark was at a loss. Nothing was right in the world.

He arrived at the hospital, back in Clark Kent attire and made his way to her floor. He wanted to be there; especially today as the last time Chloe had woken she seemed more alert than before. It meant the question could come up. He didn't want the doctors telling her. He didn't want her waiting to know either.

It left the options to himself if he was there and his mother if he wasn't. She had come to sit by Chloe for the day when it became obvious he wasn't going to be cut a break. It made Clark feel better to know that she wouldn't wake to find herself alone and she'd have someone who could understand the loss.

As the elevator began to move up and Clark heard the change in Chloe's heart rate. He knew and regretted not taking the stairs.

_"No… No!"_He could hear the denial in her voice. And his mother's soft tones trying to calm her.

The elevator felt like a trap. He was trapped and he wasn't there again. Only so many feet away and he couldn't get to her, save her. This time he couldn't save her from the truth.

It felt like all air had left his lungs when the elevator finally stopped and the doors opened. His wife's every sob, cry, plea reverberated inside of him as Clark made his way down the hall to her room. He couldn't have sped to her if he tried, his legs felt like lead. He wanted to be with her, holding her as she came to terms, but the world was spinning.

Everything had shattered.

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If this made you sad then you'll really need tissues for the next part. Hopefully out tomorrow if not tonight.

Comments are cookies. feed me! *hides behind Summer


	4. Darkest Before the

**A/N:** Okay if you felt part 3 was sad you'll probably need tissue's for this. Do not worry I love Chlark and as most know I also love Clois and put them through bad stuff too. Just remember part 5 is happy.  
>With how this story has gone the angst route I think I need to redo the banner<p>

Credit and thanks goes to **D**(Chlarkfan_phantom) for the puppy name

And big thanks to **Summer**for not only encouraging and being a listening ear but also beta-ing my migraine influenced mess. You are fab hun!

**Part 4: Darkest before the..**

Glancing at the desk where she normally sat across from him day after day and seeing it empty had begun to become a torment. She was hurting and it was painful to watch, yet he was confused as to why she didn't seem to be able to get over this. It wasn't that he was minimizing the loss for it weighed heavy on him, too. The thought that the baby they had been given at Christmas, like a gift, was gone and they weren't meant to have that happiness, was there every day.

Truth was he felt he was losing her and he didn't know why. It didn't feel that losing the baby would be enough for her to be so distant, uninterested in work, in doing anything. She'd smile but it didn't reach her eyes, she called Lois to check on her, even visited but it was obvious to them all Chloe was far from okay.

Sighing, Clark signed off his computer and began packing up. It would have been better if it had of been a busy news day so he was distracted from looking at her empty seat. Technically she didn't have to come back to work yet, not with her medical leave not ending for another week, but he had thought she would have been ready to return. That he would have had to fight her to keep her home and instead it was the other way around.

Scooping up a couple of files in hopes they would catch her interest, he headed out the door, hoping that he'd come home to her smiling face or even her anger. Something else other then the cold that seemed to have filled their home.

Finn was at the door to greet him. Jumping up and down with excitement as well as the obvious desperate need for a bathroom break. From the piddle on the kitchen floor he'd have to say it wasn't the first time the little gal had needed one. Clark patted her head and picked up the lead after putting his briefcase down, glancing around for Chloe. He caught the sight of her blonde head laying on arm of the sofa.

"Hold Finn, one second girl!" He reassured the anxious pup before kneeling by his wife. "Hey." He smiled at her, looking for anything resembling his Chloe.

She glanced at him before looking back at the muted TV. "Hi. Sorry, she only just started. I was going to get up. . ." She trailed off.

Sighing, Clark kissed her on the forehead. "It's fine, I can take her out and clean up." A small part of him wanted to yell at her. Tell her to get up and move. To stop this! Even the puppy she adored was getting the distant treatment.

He didn't yell, opting instead for something more peaceful, a past time they use to enjoy. "Want to watch a movie and have take out tonight?"_Maybe tempt you with an assignment, you can be my partner like before,_he thought.

Chloe glanced at him again, forcing a smile. "Sure. Pick whatever you want, its fine with me." Her eyes refused to be locked by his. Clark nodded, taking what he could get.

"I'll be back shortly." This was how it was every night lately.

Outside his cell rang. Pulling it out as he watched Finn search for a suitable spot to relieve herself Clark answered. "Hello Lois."

"Wow, you sound chipper," Was her come back from a stressed and hoarse voice.

"Its been in short supply lately."

Lois' voice softened. "I know. Look, I wanted to thank you for what you did. That wasn't necessary Smallville but its really appreciated."

"Anytime Lois. I know it must be hard right now. I figured a story could help."

"Yes, well, I'm surprised Chloe didn't grab at it. Really she should have. Saying that though maybe I shouldn't be surprised?"

Clark sat on the bench for a moment, releasing more of the lead for the exploring puppy. "I tried, I'm _trying_, Lois. She can barely look me in the face and I am not even sure what I've done." He felt his voice catch as he thought back to that day. That moment when he found them. "I should have gotten there in time and now. . ."

"Whoa...Hold it right there!" She grunted and he knew she was trying to find a comfortable position and again felt the guilt. Lois would be out of commission for some time due to her injuries.

"You don't have to feel guilty for anything. Superman can't be in two places at once. If you hadn't of come when you did Chloe or I would be dead. No, I know I'd be dead. And I know that no matter what is going on in her head its not cause of you. So get that out right now. "

"Lois."

She continued as if he hadn't of spoken. "You need to get her to talk Clark. She won't to me and I don't know why either. If I didn't know better I think she was blaming herself and I can't understand why."

"The baby," He held back the sob that threatened to come out.

"That," Lois' voice filled with emotion as well. "She. . . Just can't. She didn't make them attack us. Clark, I think Sam would. . ." She took a deep breath. He could hear the pounding of her heart over the phone. "I think Sam would have died. I don't remember everything but I remember shielding him. She's my heart, Clark, like she is yours. And she protected my baby. Don't let her do this!"

Clark stood and ran a hand through his hair. "What do I do then?" He asked, his voice raising sharply. "I try to get her to talk but she won't. Every attempt I make she cuts me off. There is more silence between us then there ever has been and its killing me!"

"Then make her, for gawd sakes, Clark. You know her. She loves you and there must be something. Some way you can get her to talk to you. Because something must have happened."

"I know, I know." He growled in frustration, seeing the pain and emptiness in Chloe's eyes flash through his mind. "I don't know what else to do."

"Yell at her. I dunno. Please tell me you haven't been babying her all the time. Come on Clark, she isn't going to break because the two of you have a fight. Beside makeup sex.."

"I know about make up sex, Lois."

"Oh, I know you do and it's time for a Chloe and Clark rematch session, Smallville" At the half groan he gave she added, "Don't get mad at me. Get mad at her, get her to talk. I mean it. Pick a fight because today Clark, she didn't even visit today. If you let her she'll avoid this Clark till it can't be fixed."

He wanted to say that she was exaggerating but deep down he knew she wasn't. Something was seriously wrong with his wife, the woman he loved was hurting and he was hurting. Question was how did he fix it? How exactly was he going to get her to open up?

"I'll take care of it Lois."

"I know Smallville" Her voice having gone tight with emotion, echoing his own. "I just can't do this. I look at her and I know something is wrong and if she wont talk to either of us .." She trailed off.

"Yeah, I know" Clark inhaled the cold air letting it soak into his lungs and stood. "Lois, I will find a way to fix this. Thank you ..I.. "

"It's alright Clark, you're my friend, she is my cousin. Let me know how goes and remember you can't break her, if anything I think you're the only one who can help her."

_She just has to let me_, he thought. Tonight things would change. Clark could only hope for the better.

ღ

"Not very professional," Clark offered watching Chloe stare at the movie she obviously wasn't paying any real attention too.

"Yeah..." was the soft halfhearted reply.

Sighing for the thousandth time Clark closed his eyes and swallowed back his frustration. It seemed picking out a movie he knew Chloe normally would have nitpicked to death wasn't going to bring the old her out.

He ached for her. For the closeness, the talking, how normally she'd have chattered her way through the movie and he'd have no real idea of what it was supposed to be about. They didn't really watch movies like this for the movie anyway. It was for companionship, the conversation, her brilliant mind going a 100 miles-per-hour and making connections he hadn't thought of.

Feeling sick of the emotional distance between them Clark found himself suddenly standing and picking up the uneaten popcorn and headed for the kitchen. He was disappointed again when she didn't even react to his departure.

Unable to help himself, he slammed cupboard doors as he put things away. He wanted his Chloe back, not this person who looked like her but gave him nothing but the cold shoulder.

Snatching a dirty plate he was startled by the loud crack as it broke in his hand. Eyes wide, he stared at it. Lately his self-control was severely lacking. He found the only way to get through being Superman was to avoid all thoughts of his wife and lost child. It hurt too much otherwise and if he did, things broke.

"Feel better?"

Clark turned to find her staring at him. Something in her eyes he couldn't quite read but for a moment he wondered if she hated him. She looked away when his eyes met hers and then turned back toward the living room as if she had never spoken, Finn trailing behind but getting no attention.

This was it. It had to happen now.

Following her, Clark swooped up Finn and lovingly placed her in her kennel. The puppy yawned and immediately settled so Clark made his way back to the living room.

She stood in the center of it looking lost, as lost as he felt.

"Do I feel better?" He began. "I didn't realize you cared!"

Chloe turned but still avoided looking at him. "Of course I care, why wouldn't I care?"

"You tell me." His tone went flat.

"I'm sorry, Clark but I don't know what you're talking about." Her own voice was devoid of emotion, making him feel sick.

Stepping closer, Clark stared down at her, "We need to talk Chloe. "

She frowned, "About what?"

"About what's going on with you. You can't keep giving me the cold shoulder. Have I done something?"

"What? No!"

Mentally telling himself he could say it, Clark pushed forward, allowing himself to sound mean, "Well, you could have fooled me!"

And there it was. Not just a frown or a flicker of something he couldn't quite read but real emotion. Her face filled with reflecting anger, fear, guilt and what hurt the most to see. Pain.

Backing up from him as if struck by lightning, Chloe shook her head and headed for their bedroom, "I can't do this with you right now!"

"You don't get to walk away from this or avoid it, Chloe. Not anymore!" He followed right on her heels, knowing it would piss her off further. He hated pushing at her like this but now that he was resolved to it, for her own good, he felt a sense of relief.

Whatever it was that was tormenting her, knowing would give him a chance to fix this, he needed it so if she was mad at him so be it. He could deal with her anger far better than he could cope from losing her to an unknown pain she was keeping to herself.

At the entry to their bedroom Chloe spun, "Why? Why are you doing this? Let it be all right!" wishing he would both hold her and leave her alone at the same time. The frustration from the opposing desires left her feeling angry. Before she knew it hurtful words leapt out of her mouth like flames. "Maybe I just can't forget like you can!"

She regretted the words as soon as they left. The cloud of emotion that passed over his face she had seen before but never directed at her. The mixture of pain and anger, of being deeply hurt. They both had stilled. Clark became like a statue, the only movement was the clenching of his jaw. His eyes boring deeply into her own as she tried to find the words to take it back.

There wasn't any way to take it back.

For the first time in weeks Chloe was finally looking at him, but any relief that could be found from it was extinguished by the thought she could actually believe he had forgotten.

"You think I forgot?" Struggling not to raise his voice, to stay calm. "Tell me, Chloe, how I could forget. How can I ever forget when I every time I close my eyes I see you laying there. All three of you! Every day I live with the thought I should have gotten there sooner!"

Guilt had been her constant friend and now it felt like she was being suffocated by it. She had never meant for it to become this gap between them, or to hurt him. Unable to bear looking in his eyes she looked away and fanned the flame against her.

"Don't do that!" He all but shouted causing Chloe's eyes to snap back to his face. "Don't you do that! Ever since you were told about..." his voice caught for barely a second "The baby, you've refused to look me in the eyes."

"Clark… I, I didn't–"

"No." Clark shook his head having had enough. Unable to take another excuse, if she was going to blame him he needed to hear her say it. Not avoid him and drag it out.

"What else am I supposed to think? You don't talk to me unless I say something, I barely get two words out of you most of the time. You don't even touch me Chloe! Nothing, when we go to bed you move away. I can't comfort you and when I've needed you, you're not there. It feels like you're not even here with me anymore."

He had moved closer, their bed was now the only thing separating them, yet it felt like an ocean. Chloe couldn't fight the tears a moment longer. She wanted to tell him she was sorry, the words wouldn't come. Instead, she was drowning, struggling to breath from all the pent up guilt she'd been carrying and the realization she had been hurting him when it was the last thing she had wanted.

The tears continued to stream down as they stood in silence. Clark felt the familiar war inside, the one where he was angry at her for how she had been acting and yet wanting to offer her comfort. Seeing her cry, the silent tears and the tremors shaking her shoulders broke his heart.

The only thing stopping him from going to her, breaching the distance between them was Lois' words. That Chloe would not break because they fought, but she would if he didn't find a way to get her to talk.

Now though, how did get her to open up when he had made her cry?

"Talk to me Chloe, please?" he pleaded softly, moving across the bed till he was kneeling on it directly in front of her.

Chloe shook her head, looking down holding her arms close to her body. Not wanting to carry this burden any longer but unsure if she could tell him what she had done, or if she could bear the inevitable look in his eyes when he realized.

Letting him feel that he was guilty wasn't an option she could live with either.

"Chloe," Clark pleaded again. Closing the last bit of distance, he reached out tentatively to touch her. When she didn't pull away he placed a hand on each of her upper arms. "Please tell me. Let me help, let me in..."

"I can't... If I tell you…" He felt her stiffen in his arms, though she was unable to look at him he could still see the misery written on her face, her voice a whisper so quiet if he hadn't of had super hearing he'd have missed it. "You'll hate me"

Swallowing the lump that suddenly formed in his throat Clark rubbed her arms, "Chloe I could never hate you. Why would you think I could hate you?"

"I can't…"

Clark tipped her chin up, catching her eyes with his, expressing through them how serious he was. "I'm not going anywhere till you do. Please Chloe!"

Giving a shuddering sigh Chloe pulled away again, unable to bear his touch while she finally admitted it. "It was me, okay?"

"I don't understand. What was you?" Clark didn't like the look on her face as her eyes once again met his.

"I haven't been able to look at you... Because of me. When I do look at you or Lois or Sam all I feel is guilt. It was my fault... I failed."

"What, Chloe, how could you have failed? Because of you–"

"No! Let me finish, please, if you want to know, " she sobbed. "Then please let me finish!"

Clark stilled, waiting for her to continue. Chloe took a deep breath, desperately trying to find the words to tell him. How was she to tell the father of her child that she was the reason their baby was gone?

As if sensing her distress Clark got off the bed, reaching a hand out, lightly taking one of hers. Not saying a word but conveying through touch that she could do this. Chloe swallowed, how was he able to give her strength and courage when what she was trying to say would hurt him and that was something she was sure she couldn't handle.

There was no win, no right way anymore. She was trapped between a rock and hard place.

"Sam," She began closing her eyes briefly before opening them again, forcing herself to look at his face. "I saw Sam. I tried to get him before he fell. Lois was… it was bad Clark, she fought back so much but they were strong, faster, more prepared and they knew it. Sam fell… oh gawd he fell. And there was blood and he was still. I crawled over to him, I couldn't let them hurt him more and Lois she was too far away I couldn't. "A sob escaped as the memory flashed through her. "I don't even remember. I mean I know I was hit, that ..."

Neither of them needed her to recount her injuries.

Clark tightened his grip on her hand, "Chloe, how does protecting Sam or any of this your fault?" He couldn't understand it. Even without protecting Sam Chloe had been injured and guarding the boy had saved him. He could never hate her for that.

"No Clark! I didn't protect him. That's the thing" She cried at him pulling her hand from his and stepping back, a look of anguish falling over her face. "I didn't. He wouldn't move Clark. So still. So very still. And I... I couldn't bear the thought of Lois finding him like that. It would kill her!"

Her words weren't quite sinking in but the way she was moving away from him, visibly shaking as she talked, sounding upset in a way he had never heard her before. It was too much to take in. Clark felt the tears in his own eyes; hands held out forward he tried to sooth her. "Chloe you tried, it's not your fault!"

"It is! I _chose_, Clark!" She tried to back further away as he grasped her arms, but the wall prevented her. Trapped physically just as she was emotionally, Chloe started to panic, feeling bile rise from her stomach. She had to finish this. Seal her fate in his eyes.

"I don't understand. Chloe what do you mean" Feeling her fight against his touch made his own heart ache more. Lois said she wouldn't break but was she right? Was he now pushing her too far?

Chloe stilled for a moment, the tears streaming down her face "I chose Sam. I chose Sam and killed our baby." The words came out a sob. She felt herself go weak in the knees unable to stand a moment longer.

Clark pulled her close as she began to drop then lifted her up and placed her on the bed. Still unsure of what she meant, he couldn't let it hang there though he was scared of going forward. "Chloe... how?" at a loss of what to ask her. He placed a hand on the side of her face, wiping the tears with his thumb.

Chloe sighed against the sob that threatened to take over. How could he not see? "Clark, Sam was dead. And I couldn't let it stay that way." She started to shake her head and pull away. "I chose to save him. I killed our baby"

Holding tight to her Clark frowned, his eyebrows furrowing as he tried to understand what she meant then it hit him. He was unable to stop the gasp that came out. "You brought back… if he was dead then…?"

The full truth hit Clark hard. Chloe had used her gift to save Sam and the price had been their unborn child. Chloe hadn't died herself in exchange for Sam; their baby had been the sacrifice.

Pushing against him, though it was futile Chloe tried to get away. She couldn't look him in the eye, couldn't bear to see the blame. They had agreed ages ago, she was to avoid using her healing gift. They had no clue how many times she could escape death and she couldn't go around taking every injury, fixing every tragedy. Especially with the fear that if she used it she could go crazy like so many of the other meteor infected.

But how could she have let Sam die?

Feeling heavy like a tone of weight rested on his chest Clark kept his hold on her but pulled back enough to look at her. "Chloe!" She was fighting him, desperate to get out of his grasp. She said not a word but he could tell she was still crying.

"Chloe stop! Please stop, honey. Look at me!"

She quit moving but refused to look up, her shoulders shook. So he said what needed to be said anyway. Hoping she was listening, that somehow he could stop this pain. "Chloe, you didn't choose to kill our baby. You didn't kill anyone. Chloe you saved Sam. If anyone is to blame it's the men that attacked you. You did nothing wrong. "

Swallowing he continued needing more than anything in that moment to make her better, remove this guilt, get his Chloe back. "I'm proud of you."

Her head slowly lifted, "How?" the word barely a whisper.

Clark tipped her face upward completely so he could look her in the eyes. "You chose to save someone. How could I ever blame you for that? "

She shook her head slightly, "No Clark… I..."

He cut her off, "No! No, you saved a life, that makes you a _hero_ Chloe. Our baby…" he paused, his voice catching for a moment, "Our baby was_murdered_by the men who did this to you, to Sam, to Lois." He pulled her close, completely enveloping her in his arms. Chloe sighed.

"You are amazing Chloe. I love you so much. I could never hate you. " Clark kissed the top of her head, feeling her sag against him, completely spent. "I'm sorry I didn't get there in time, but I promise you I will find them. I can't bring back what we lost but I can find them, get us answers."

He felt her nod and bury her face into his chest. There was so much pain to deal with but maybe now she could heal.

ღ

He watched her sleep, the fall and rise of her chest, the way her lips twitched when she dreamt. He had to. To know she was okay, that she was his, that somehow they could heal.

Every night since his wife had finally confessed what she had been holding in, what she imagined was an unforgivable crime, he would come home from his nightly rounds as Superman and stand by the window to watch her. Sometimes he'd kneel and lean against the bed over her, wanting to touch her but knowing she was still working through it all.

The first night she had let him hold her it was out of sheer exhaustion and the need to feel forgiven. After it seemed she still carried guilt which shown in how much she let him touch her. Now knowing what she did, it only hurt him to see her hurting rather than feel like the lack of physical contact was a sign of her anger or disappointment with him.

Tonight watching wasn't enough. Once again he was faced with something he found hard to cope with and Chloe wasn't there. It did help to know why she hadn't even noticed it before and it was why Clark couldn't get himself to wake her. In the past it would have been the first thing he'd have done on a night like this. To feel her arms around him, her words of love and encouragement.

Not now. She simply wasn't ready to carry his burden with her own. He had to hope she would be again but until then he had to manage and find a way to ease her burden as well.

To express to her that he held nothing against her, that he loved her so much. That the day he decided to not let one Chloe Anne Sullivan get away his life had truly changed for the better. Like her, he loved that baby but their sacrifice wasn't her fault, rather her selflessness touched him to the core of his soul and made her all the more beautiful in his eyes.

Clark felt the wetness on his hands and realized he was crying. Wiping at his face he stood back from the bed and tried to fight the overwhelming emotions rolling through him. It was crashing down, all of it, the failure, the loss.

His side of the bed was cold. Chloe was aware of that fact even before she woke enough to register the quiet sounds of sobbing. Frowning, she sat up and looked around the dark room, the only light came from their window. The sound was so low she wondered if she was hearing someone from a neighboring apartment but as her eyes adjusted she recognized the hunched shoulders that sat against the hallway wall right outside their bedroom.

"Clark?" she called out softly, seeing his head lift up sharply. She couldn't make out his face but if he was crying she knew it must be bad.

Before he could stand and pretend nothing was wrong she was at his side, needing to offer comfort just as much as he needed her to give it. The last few weeks she had been slowly coming to terms. The road ahead was still long but with it out in the open between them there had been a peace, the tension had fled and Clark's patience and loving manner soothed like a healing balm.

Question now was what had happened to make the strong shoulders she leaned on, protected the world, shudder in despair?

Turning on the hallway light, Chloe knelt down beside him. "Clark, what happened?"

He took a deep breath and rubbed his face, the tears having already dried. "It's okay. I..." he shook his head and gave her a forced smile. "It's been a long day. Why don't we go to bed?"

Starting to stand, Clark found his hand grabbed, preventing him from continuing, forcing him to settle back down.

"No." The single word response carried with it a lot more meaning then simple a negative to going to bed.

Sighing, Clark looked at her, noting she still seemed drawn. He wondered how much sleep she was really getting when he was on patrol.

She returned his stare. "We're not going to bed till you tell me what's going on. This," She nodded her head and lifted her hand indicating him and the hallway, "Isn't something you do from a long day, Clark. You only do this when you are really upset, when someone has…"

Neither needed her to finish the statement.

He squeezed her hand still holding on to his. "Chloe, I'll be fine. You need your rest."

"What I _need_is for my husband to talk to me." Her tone was soft even though her face and posture told him she meant business.

"I can't do that, I can't put this on you," came his honest reply. Chloe closed her eyes slowly and took a deep breath.

"I need you to, please, I know I've not been easy lately. I know it hasn't been the same but please let me try to be there for you."

She leaned up against the hallway wall opposite him.

Clark studied her for a moment debating how much he should say, wondering if he could say it at all. Did he even have words? Everything lately was off. While it had been better on many levels with her, his world was still askew and tonight even more so.

"I didn't get there in time."

Chloe knew he didn't need her to say anything, rather to listen as he talked it through. With his opening words however she felt an anxiety grow, was he referring to that day? She wasn't sure she could hear it again, though she longed to help him understand it wasn't his fault.

Running a slightly shaky hand through his hair Clark continued, "It must have happened so fast, she never had a chance." He looked up to meet her eyes, something in them told her he was holding back.

"Clark, you can tell me, whatever it is." She reached out to touch him gently. He flinched from her touch at first then a visible tremor passed over him.

"I can't if it hurts you." His hand slipped around hers, thumb caressing over the top of her hand, relishing in the connection the physical contact gave and loathing what he knew he'd have to say. She wasn't going to let him keep it in and really he could never deny her.

Slipping her fingers between his Chloe took a deep breath, "You can't protect me from everything Clark and sometimes you shouldn't. I love you and I know you need me like I need you. Please, I was wrong to push you away but I thought…"

Clark put his hand gently under her chin and lifted her face back up to his, "No. Chloe, I understand. I was hurt, but you don't need to apologize. I just," He felt the tears threaten to come back. The sense of grief and loss and guilt flowed over him again. No matter how misplaced it was, it was still there.

"It's okay. Please, tell me." She pleaded, knowing even the strongest man on the planet needed a release, a safe haven, a place where he didn't have to be strong. She had promised to be that haven, she wanted to be.

It was now or never.

"I promised I'd fix this. That I'd get us all answers but I can't, Chloe and today, today I failed. It was like finding you all over again." His words coming fast as if saying them quickly would ease the torment. Chloe scooted closer; take his hand in both of hers, encouraging him to continue.

"She was lying there. I think it was the same people. Worst of it," he looked back up from staring at her hands, "Her son was there. They hurt a little boy, Chloe. No thought, no care. What kind of evil does that? "

Chloe couldn't speak past the lump in her throat. Instead she reached up to gingerly touch his face.

Closing his eyes at her comforting touch, Clark continued, "I was able to save him but I failed her and all I could think of was you! And how I promised, but there is nothing I may be able to do. You, Lois, Oliver, all of you deserve answers and we know nothing."

His voice began to raise, anger flaring up in his eyes. "I am Superman and I can't even catch these men! What kind of hero am I?"

"Shh…" Chloe cupped his face, fighting back her tears, "Clark, oh no Clark! You are not God. You can't…" By the way he was looking at her she had a feeling he wasn't really listening to her, caught up in his pain as she had been.

"Clark, listen!" She commanded with a tone she rarely used with him. His eyes snapped to hers. "You are not God. You cannot guarantee life and death. You can't save everyone or stop every crime. And I know." Chloe softened her voice and stroked his face with her thumbs, "I know you have done everything you can for us and that is why you are a hero. Your heart Clark, not your powers make you that. You care and you try and you fight on our behalf and that is enough."

The tears came and she choked out a small sob before continuing. "I love you and I need you. Not answers. And you don't have to look alone. We'll do this together. And one day they _will_ have to answer for… our baby, for that woman, for everyone they have hurt. But until then _this_" Chloe clutched his arm, motioning between their bodies. "Is enough. Please…"

Clark pulled her into his arms unable to speak but needing to feel. "Please..." she repeated as he kissed her; over and over tender kisses, on her tears, her eyes and her lips. Chloe sighed and stroked his face. "I love you."

He stopped to stare at her, conveying how much he loved her in deep pools of green, how precious she was to him. When he found his voice it was raw with emotion, almost painful to hear, "I love you, too."

Leaning her forehead against his she whispered, "Promise me we'll do this together. Share it all with me, Clark. Both of us, we'll share it all. Promise!"

Clark nodded, his fingers playing with the strap of her night gown, caressing her skin. "I promise." His mouth claimed hers for a kiss that was the beginning of their healing.

ღ/ღ

Comments, cookies..rants?


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